It started with a “gentle suggestion” to my husband. Okay, I’ll admit it: Looking back, I was probably nit-picking a pit. But I really didn’t mean for it to develop into an argument. You know how it goes: one person takes offense and says something, which offends the other person, and the argument escalates. Once it began, I wanted to finish it.
And by finishing it, I mean I wanted to prove my point and do a victory dance.
Yes, despite great strides in my maturity in recent years, I really am that childish at times. So, I perpetuated the argument. The problem is we kept getting interrupted.
Tim’s phone rang. It was his work.
It rang again. His dad.
Again. Our oldest daughter.
Sure, he could have declined the calls, but I understand his willingness to step aside and pause the argument each time. During each pause, I’d do a couple small tasks, and when he’d hang up, we’d resume.
Then he got a phone call that needed more time and attention. I wanted to finish the argument, but I also wanted to get some other things finished. Besides, when I took an honest look at the situation, (1) it probably wasn’t going to be neatly tied in a pretty bow anytime soon, and (2) it really wasn’t that important in the big scheme of life – or our marriage.
So while he was on the phone, I decided to wave the white flag, literally. I wrote a large note on a piece of white paper and taped it in the shower, where I knew he was headed soon.
He got off the phone and came back to me to resolve things. I downplayed the argument, trying not to give away what I’d already written in the note. When he sensed I was ready to move on, he did, too.
He wasn’t out of the room long when he returned – after finding the note. I got him. I like to surprise him. In fact, seeing that smile of contentment is much better than arguing – even when it involves a victory dance.
Let go when you’re supposed to let go. When it’s more about winning, your own victory, than the relationship, it’s not worth it.
Now shake off the dust and stand up… Now free yourself from the chains around your neck. Isaiah 52:2
Do you need to leave a white flag note for someone today?
Your words are ringing so true in my ears. I tend to be that hot-blooded really mad when I am mad kind of person and I need to be able to pause and take a step back to see the bigger picture, to see it from the other perspective not my own and often times I end up right where you ended up, finding the truth and being able to let it go. Thanks for reminding me that I need to pause with God and let the truth start reflecting on me and out of me.
You’re welcome, Janine. Just trying to share some of my own struggles and lessons as God continues to grow me up!
Thanks for this post. I need to wave a flag.
Thanks for putting yourself out there and opening yourself up for accountability. Be sure to check back in to let me know how the process is going 😉