Divorce, My Life with God

My Bags Are Packed

photo-1479888230021-c24f136d849fI’m a good packer – efficient, purposeful, thorough – but I’ve learned the best way to pack my bags as I move forward in life is…humbly. Letting God pack my bags doesn’t allow me to always take what I want, but my obedience lets me avoid carrying what’s unnecessary.

God has urged me to leave some things behind the last year and a half – hurt, betrayal, deceit, insults, judgments, disrespect, doubt, anxiety. He has replaced those things with himself, faithfulness, truth, hope, and peace. He never takes something out of my life without providing for the space left behind as long as I lean into and trust him to fill that space instead of rushing to fill it myself. Allowing him to fill the ugly with new contentment is challenging but sensible. It’s some of the other stuff he doesn’t pack that prompts more questions and uncertainties.

God doesn’t pack some of the good stuff – at least the stuff I experience as good but he knows won’t be helpful to me. I know people who cling to the good of the past – “We will remember the good memories. At least, we have the good times.” – and remembering isn’t detrimental. But living in the memories can be, especially when it comes at the expense of seeking truth and facing the present and future reality. Refusing truth is a slap to God.

So, I’m letting him pack as he wills. I trust him to point me to the future, let me take what I’ll need, and stay with me every step of the way. I might miss a thing or two, but at least I won’t get worn out by carrying what he intends me to leave behind.

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