I struggled toward the end of the annual writing retreat. I continued to enjoy the time away. I continued to be productive. But there was something that unsettled me. I wasn’t sure what it was.
Was it the anticipation of returning to a hectic time at work? Was it the reminder of what happened when I returned to my then-shared-home-with-my-ex five years earlier—perhaps enhanced because of plans to meet with some of that side of the family on my way home? Was it simply that I had really stepped away and savored the time, and the re-entrance into all of it felt like a lot?
I got teary-eyed a couple times.
It’s not as if I wanted to stay at the retreat. It was time to head home. I like my everyday life, routine, people. It is filled with joy and purpose. But sometimes there are struggles among even the best of life. In fact, there often are. Struggles in the context of everything else doesn’t drown them out but reminds us of the beauty of the journey.
And gratitude ebbed into my mind and heart. God reminded me of his broad and beautiful perspective.
I would say those feelings were mild PTSD, for sure. God’s Grace carries us through all sorts of things. Reflecting on that I am sure helped you immensely.
What you describe is how I feel about going back to work when I have had several days off. I gauge my time by how many days I have left to work before I am off again. My time off is shadowed by the necessity of calling in to participate a staff meeting, or receiving group texts when there is a call in. It makes it difficult to really focus on other things at home.
Yes! I wouldn’t have put that label on it, but as soon as I read your response, it rang true. In fact, I’ve been mulling it over the past week or so—not just personally but reflecting no so many friends’ processes of healing and grief—and I’m confident it will make its way into a blog post soon. Thank you.
I continue to pray for you often regarding your work situation. Prayers, my friend!
Thank you! I pray for you as well!