Today would have been my 29th wedding anniversary. I have fun plans, and I will have a good day, but…
When this popped up on my Timehop a few days ago, a wave of sadness washed over me. Not because of a missed anniversary; the particular day never really carried a lot of weight. The sadness was more about a missed year – well, two and a half years, missed memories, missed friendship and marriage.
I didn’t think about it for long. I swiped to the next memory. But another notification several hours later made me reconsider the quick swipe. I decided not to be dismissive of the sadness or the memories. Because of the way my ex chose to leave the marriage, we no longer have contact. I have shared before that it has been similar to a death, because he is no longer in my life. But instead of looking back on a life with fondness and laughter and respect, the memories are muddied.
Despite the grief I often feel when these memories come up on my screen or my mind, I am simultaneously grateful. I’m thankful for the good memories. And I’m thankful for where I am now. The experience of being rejected by my thought-to-be-life-partner has been devastating, but the healing and redemption rising out of that devastation have been clarifying.
I am still sad at times, but I’m sharing a glimpse of that sadness to let someone else – perhaps you – know that moments or seasons of sadness might wash over you but do not have to define you. Breathe. Be patient. Persevere.