My Life with God

The Wholeness I Choose

I’m responding to the questions I get often of “How are you?” and “How did/do you…?” I don’t know if my answers are much different than what is reflected in Fractured Into Wholeness, except they are deeper and more practiced. I am constantly growing, but some of that growth is focused and purifying.

As I reflected on the past five years, I jotted,

I set boundaries. I don’t hate or hold a grudge. I don’t reject or judge. I have taken the context and experience, both the rawness and the reality of it, and I have attempted to make the best decision, not just once, but ongoing. Things change, and people change; as we see signs of that change, we change our approach, our attitude, our willingness. But sometimes we don’t see any of that, and while we’re not opposed to it happening, we also don’t keep watching for it. We have a real life in front of us to engage with. I didn’t really choose to not have him and a handful of others in my life anymore, but I choose what to do with the fact that he took himself out of my life and a few went with him. I know there are good times to remember. While I might visit them every now and then, because of the intensity and trauma of the way it all ended, it’s hard to see beyond that and into the goodness of the past. I don’t rewrite the past to say it was all bad, and I try to look at the wholeness of it. Even more importantly, I look at it in the wholeness of moving forward.

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