I was on vacation when a significant worldwide tragedy took place. It affected people I knew. I considered writing something—nothing significant because I couldn’t gather enough thoughts, but surely I could say something to acknowledge the pain and confusion. I could empathize. I could acknowledge feelings. I could post something simple on social media. 

But I didn’t.

I wasn’t sure what I could say that would make sense, because nothing seemed to make sense. Sadly, we’ve all had the experience too many times. We simultaneously know the feeling of overwhelming sadness and confusion yet a sense of familiarity in the senselessness. We wonder how to respond.

We’re not all rattled by the same things. We feel buried in the rubble of some, catch our breath from the dust of others, feel the ground shake from others, and deny the ground moved sometimes. Our response doesn’t resonate with others. It can meet anger or apathy. Nearly everyone has an opinion about nearly everything—especially these days it seems. Some people react and speak up quickly, which makes many others pause, not out of fear but out of thoughtfulness. We don’t all want to react with knee-jerk quickness. We want to consider how we communicate, because our words aren’t for our own benefit. They’re meant to engage or challenge or inform or encourage others. How we respond impacts how others respond.

I didn’t post anything because I couldn’t gather my thoughts in a way that made sense to me, let alone would make sense to anyone else. Not everyone needs a mic and a platform, and sometimes that “everyone” is me. I take a step back—into the shadows. Observing is often my favorite place. I learn a lot.

It’s such a balance. I want to engage in the conversation. I want to make a difference. But I don’t want to add to the noise. I want to be intentional and intelligent. I want to go beyond just spewing information. I want to engage in dialogue, ask questions, listen to challenges, wrestle with solutions. 

We so often want to put everything in one bucket or another. This is good. That is bad. I support this. I loathe that. This is smart. That is stupid. You make sense. You are ignorant. Sound harsh? Listen to those around you and perhaps yourself. We’re surrounded by these messages and attitudes. We may want to exclude ourselves. But we’re more likely to rationalize why it’s okay to respond so harshly to what we reject yet be so patient and understanding to areas to which we’re sensitive. 

Perhaps we should pause before we speak more often. Perhaps we should speak up instead of staying silent more often. It’s a difficult call that takes wisdom. I find the best choice often goes against the grain of what my first reaction is. The breath and pause is important. We’re too often in a hurry. There is time to pause. If someone speaks first, it’s okay. Let them speak. Give them space. Listen well while our own thoughts marinate. Learn something. Hearing another perspective will help filter your own response. Be cautious to use the time wisely. If you don’t, you might respond with more of a diatribe than engage in a dialogue. Is that your goal? Perhaps you need to know that first. What’s your goal? Who are you trying to convince or engage? And who are you? Are you representing yourself well?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download