Have you ever experienced a drive-through zoo? I think they’re more often called animal adventures or wildlife adventures. I’ve even heard them called safaris, but I prefer to leave that term for something that’s experienced in places like the African savanna. Even if you haven’t personally experienced driving through one of these animal encounters, you’ve likely seen videos, especially the ones where something has gone wrong. Animals have stuck their heads too far into the cars. People panic and don’t realize they are spilling food all over or holding it toward the middle of the car, and the animals are simply trying to get to it. After all, they’re conditioned to be fed by people.

I can almost guarantee there are warnings at the entrance of almost every animal encounter that states how to feed and how not to feed, which animals to feed and which animals not to feed, when to roll down windows and when not to roll down windows, when it’s okay to stop the vehicle and when it’s not okay to stop, and so on. Do we listen? Often, we do not. 

As I drove through with kids in the car, it was important to know how to feed different animals. They eat differently from your hands. Some use their tongue or lips. Others get a bit more aggressive with their teeth or beaks. It’s important to know which is which. One approach tickles. One doesn’t. An open palm works best with both, but it’s essential with some—unless you want some very sore fingers.

There are some parallels with people we do life with. Some are gentle. Some are aggressive. Some make us laugh much of the time. Some aggravate us and make our hearts ache and our minds spin. We trust some with an open palm, while we hesitate to reach out to others. We know what it feels like to be bitten by them. We’re resistant. 

People don’t always come with warnings or instructions. We learn along the way, but we have to be careful. We can become jaded and misapply some of our baggage to the wrong situations. We can be unguarded when we need to be cautious. And for the relationships that last throughout our lives, people change, just as we do. We can’t keep them in the same place. Of course, we shouldn’t be blind to patterns, yet we should also be aware of changes. And instead of making assumptions about the changes, we can talk about them, because guess what? We’re changing, too. The combination of the changes can reveal more than looking at one change in isolation. 

While we’re considering self-reflection, why not think about what it’s like for others to approach us? How gentle are we? How aggressive are we? What situations bring out one or the other quality in us—or other qualities? It’s equally important to consider how approachable we are as it is to know how to approach others.

Think about it.