Bang. Bang. Bang.
It was early in the morning. Before the sunrise. The knocking sounded more like pounding. I woke up right away, but I didn’t immediately react. What? Who? Why? My mind raced, then I rushed to the door. I didn’t open it, but I looked and didn’t see anyone. I moved to several windows. Nothing. But it was dark. I checked my phone. My cameras caught nothing, so they couldn’t have knocked on my doors. Maybe my neighbors’? I looked again. Nothing.
While nothing seemed out of the ordinary, I decided it was time to pray. Perhaps there were jokesters in the neighborhood, but there could also be someone in trouble. If that was the case, I wanted to make sure they were comforted. And I suppose I was comforted as well, because I fell asleep as I prayed.
Once I was awake for the day, I looked around to see if I could find any sign of disturbances. Again, nothing. Perhaps God just wanted me to be up and praying at that time. Whatever it takes I suppose.
God interrupts and disrupts me at times. It’s interesting how he encompasses love, kindness, and gentleness, yet his means to extend such qualities or help us reach them doesn’t feel the same. Peace is often the same. We see peace as void of any confrontation or conflict, as if it is passive. We expect it to be something we can rest in, but it is something that requires our participation. We engage and wrestle in our pursuit of peace. We often don’t get to a place of peace because we blame another person or group. Peace is rarely handed to us. It is often a hard fight, then a moment’s pause, followed by a long road of maintenance that is exhausting. Peace is something that is rooted within us and can grow beyond us. But it has to be cultivated. To make room for it, we have to make room. And that requires giving up room—so other pieces of ourselves have to go.
We don’t like that.
We don’t like interruptions and inconveniences. We don’t like to lose sleep to pray or being told what to do. But trusting someone who knows better than we do is good. Accountability is good. The payout of sacrifice is good. And it’s okay to not have the answer to everything. I have no idea what the banging on the door was, or even if it was banging on the door. I have no idea if my praying had any impact on anyone. And it’s okay. I responded as I believed God prompted me. Could I have been wrong? Sure. But I don’t think so, and I’m certainly not going to stress about it. I’ve learned one step at a time, doing the best I can with each moment, works best. It’s the route filled with the most peace and moving toward peace. And I am actively seeking and living in peace no matter if it’s daytime or in the middle of the night, during any season of the year, in any season of my life.
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