It’s not difficult to be misunderstood. But when we claim that we are misunderstood, it’s important to question whether or not we need to shift the perspective. Are we misunderstood, or are we misunderstanding? We might misunderstand others. We misunderstand a situation. We might even misunderstand ourselves. It happens when we’re not consistently taking inventory of where we are, what our motivations are, what we’re hanging onto, how our goals are shifting, what’s bothering us, and so on. How can we expect people to accurately understand us when we lose touch with ourselves?
Why do we insist on blaming others when we need to consider our contribution?
That’s not to say we assume responsibility when it’s not ours to hold. But we can consider it momentarily before determining to which degree we own or reject it.
Sometimes we understand why they’re doing what they’re doing and we forgive them. We might be able to help them heal, but sometimes we can’t, and that forgiveness is all we can give them because of the damage they have done or they can do. We move on, and that’s okay. Their healing, if they choose it, will come in another form through another person when they’re ready to open themselves to it.
The burden isn’t ours to carry. Neither is anger or bitterness. Neither is the explanation or defensiveness. When we forgive and move on, we don’t have to bring it into the future as healed and beautiful. We can leave it in the past when it belongs there as unresolved if it was forgiven but not disentangled and rectified. Everything in our past can be dealt with, but not everything in our past deserves space in our present.
There is always space to understand more. There is always a question mark, an ellipsis, an invitation to consider and engage. Even if no one else wants to reflect, we can, not to conjure up our own truths, but to check ourselves. Especially as we get older, and we have a wider array of life’s experiences to gauge—as long as we have been open to conversations and places and people and possibilities—and hopefully some wisdom and insight to infuse into the thoughts and interactions of daily life. We hopefully get more generous instead of more rigid, more selfless and less consumed with our isolated worlds, more tender and patient than demanding and judgmental. And when we are not, may we quickly recognize our shortcomings, forgive ourselves, surround ourselves with those who will encourage us to be better, forgive ourselves, and move on.
Misunderstood (Forrest Frank and Cory Asbury)
Sometimes words
Hit you in the chest
Sting you like a bee
And rob you of your rest
And heaven knows sometimes
People try to mean well
But trauma from their past
Got ’em stuck inside of hell
Well, it’s okay if you feel misunderstood
There’s a man who did as well when they nailed Him to wood
And even through all the pain
Still, He forgave them, mm
So I can forgive somebody too, mm-mm
Sometimes words
Can cut so deep
It’s hard to be kind
When anger’s all you’ve seen
The shadow of home can
Stretch long through the years
It covers up the sunshine
Even when the sky is clear
‘Cause, it’s okay if you feel misunderstood
There’s a man who did as well when they nailed Him to wood
And even through all the pain
Still, He forgave them, mm
So I can forgive somebody too
I can forgive somebody too
Ooh, ooh-ooh
Well, sometimes two friends are just one call away
Years full of hurt could be gone in a day
We’re all part of one family
So who am I to cut down the tree?
‘Cause, it’s okay if you feel misunderstood
There’s a man who did as well when they nailed Him to wood
And even through all the pain
Still, He forgave them, mm
So I can forgive somebody too
I can forgive somebody too
I can forgive somebody too
‘Cause the good Lord first forgave me and you
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