Remember the game you might have played when you were young? Your friend or sibling wasn’t too far from your age but old enough they took the lead. They spun the wheel, landed on 4, and moved ahead 4 spaces. You spun the wheel, landed on 6, and started to move forward.
“Oh, you don’t move forward 6 spaces when you land on 6. You cut the number in half. Yes, that’s right. Good job! You are right behind me. We’ll stay together!”
Your friend pulls out the dice and rolls a 4. “Score! That’s the magic number. I get to move forward four…times four! So sorry, but don’t worry: you’ll catch up.”
You roll a 3, but that’s okay, because you’ll at least get to move nine spaces, since 3×3=9. Right? Wrong. “Oh, I’m so sorry. We only multiply even numbers. Odd numbers stay the same.” You inch forward three spaces.
“Okay, for the next turn, we get to count how many colors we’re wearing. Wow! I have a rainbow on my shirt! Oh, and here is some white and black and brown and pink. And I have little dots of gold and silver on my socks. I’m only a couple spaces from the end already!” You look down at your clothes. Until now, you liked your simple outfit of jeans and red ruffle shirt. It was comfy. But along with your black socks (with no gold or silver dots), you move forward three more steps. You must not hide your confusion well, because your friend reassures you, “Don’t worry too much. You might not win this time, but you can’t win all the time. You’ll learn the game and maybe do better next time. We can go ahead and stop, since I’m going to win anyway.”
If you can’t rely on the rules, how can you ever win? Even if winning isn’t the end goal, you’d like to at least enjoy the time with your friend. It should be fun or at last feel somewhat enjoyable because of the time you’re spending together, right? It’s not about the win or the rules. It’s about the relationship. If you go into a competitive-level game, you expect some tension. You’ll face some challenges, often spurred by your opponent. You’ll put some challenges in their way, too. But what about the games we play together, not against? The ones we’d like to win but you mostly want to win the relationship, the journey, reaching the end together. Winning together multiplies the satisfaction, shares the burdens, and emphasizes the value of together. Challenging each other and encouraging each other helps you both because it helps the relationship. The value goes beyond a tally in the WIN column. There is unquantifiable value in the collaboration and problem-solving along the journey.
Know what you value. Know your priorities. And know the people playing the game with you.