I didn’t know how to fix it so I broke it instead.

I’m not the one who said it, but the statement paused me. I’ve seen it. I’ve been on the receiving end. I’ve taken that approach. We can fail ourselves because we’re at a loss about what to do next.

It can be something everyday. We don’t clean or organize because we don’t know where to begin. We pile more and close the door. Or we feel insecure about a school or work project and don’t want to ask for help once again, so we procrastinate until we don’t have a choice but to fail. It happens in relationships: we talk ourselves into thinking there’s no solution, so we just quit instead of taking it one honest conversation at a time. Sometimes we break things because of our apathy, and other times because of a lack of honesty. We get lazy. We make excuses. We’re not humble enough to say, “I need some help.”

Also, not everything can be or should be fixed. But the solution isn’t to break it but to determine the next best steps to handle the situation, especially when others are involved.

If we don’t clean or organize because we don’t know where to begin, start at the door. Invite a friend who can help (within reason—don’t pull someone else in and expect them to do all the work). Fixing it isn’t determine by the end result. It’s the process. The result might not be determined until you are well into the process.

If we feel insecure about a school or work project and we notice the tell-tale signs of procrastination, ask someone to help you with accountability. Break it down into steps, and invite people with the strengths to help your areas of weakness. Don’t expect someone else to do the job for you, but be open to input and options.

If our relationships aren’t going the way we want them, transparently consider if it’s because of a situation you’ve put yourself in or if it’s a dynamic between both people. If you’re an adult, you have the experience to realize relationships take work and can only heal through honesty. Skewing the situation to justify your bad behavior, disconnectedness, or exit is only going to create ripple effects that harm a myriad of people around you—and yourself, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.

You don’t need to know how to fix it in order to begin the process. Your only option is not to sabotage yourself and others. Can you fix everything? No. But what is considered fixing it? Restoring it to what you once had? Creating something that is only in your imagination? Achieving unrealistic tasks? Performing for others’ approval without your own commitment? Those approaches aren’t fixes—at least, not healthy ones. Fixing is moving forward. It’s not always complete or what we’d define as successful, but it’s the process that heals, not the outcome.

There will be a situation today when you are uncertain or insecure or irritated. Before you respond, consider whether you’re heading toward giving up and breaking something or intentionally healing or transitioning something. Your approach and attitude matters. Your empathy matters. Your humility matters.

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