Having peace shouldn’t require waiting for someone else to get to a point or respond in a certain way. We need to personally pursue peace. We need to know our values and choose peace within and out of those values.

When we pursue peace, we don’t wait until all is right to proclaim our place of peace. It’s not a destination. We find peace in the process, in the pursuit. It’s a journey filled with many choices. But others’ choices are not ours. They might disrupt our peace. They might challenge our peace. But just as others have the choice in how they respond, so do we.

We need to know what we can and cannot influence. Can we influence others’ responses and choices? Most of the time. But probably not as fully as we might want. And honestly, that’s fine. It’s not only fine; it’s beautiful. Uncomfortable, but beautiful. If we drive and determine someone else’s pursuit, the reverse can be true. The choice is taken away. That’s not how we’re created. The fact that we get to choose can be liberating as well as overwhelming, confusing, and infuriating. Consider all the choices we’re faced with and pile them with the choices others face. It’s a lot. We choose quickly. We choose poorly. We refuse to choose, which is a choice. We choose for ourselves, and we think we know what choices would fit everyone around us.

And all those choices affect our peace, for better and worse.

For example, we believe a particular outcome will provide peace. Someone else prefers another outcome. Can only one person find peace dependent on which outcome prevails? Or one partner believes a particular schedule or list of priorities is the best, and the other partner trusts another approach. Can only one find peace as their preferences win over the others? Does peace depend on an apology? Does peace depend on change? Does peace depend on healing?

Peace isn’t dependent on a result or specific conditions. Peace is personal. It’s more discerning than picky. It involves sorting more than compartmentalizing. It combines patient waiting, wise confrontation, and authentic reflection and conversations.

When we prioritize our comfort and preferences over peace, we limit the process. We limit ourselves. And while we can’t limit God, we certainly limit the faith we have in him.

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