Fathers Day is coming to a close. Perhaps, by the time you read this, it will be the day after. You might have made some great memories. You might have endured some bad memories. You might have ignored the day. You might have stood in the middle of the day and looked around and savored the blessings.

Scroll through your social media, and you’ll see many people paying tribute to the men in their lives who have made a positive difference. There are equally men who have done damage. It makes the good in men stand out even more. We can then move to the extreme and make the good men around us seem too good to be true. They struggle, too. They stumble, too. And those men who haven’t been the best role models? Well, they’ve still taught us some important lessons, even if it’s what we want to avoid in our own lives.

There is no perfect father. And that’s not our goal. In an effort to honor the people who pour into us and help us grow—fathers, mothers, extended family, friends—we acknowledge the humanity. We see the healing. We experience forgiveness. We walk together through it all. We watch others choose humility, and we admire the way it helped themselves and others. We remember when it comes our time. We watch others excuse and rationalize and put themselves above others, and we cringe at the impact it has on themselves and others. We remember when it comes our time.

As difficult as remembering in some situations and relationships, remembering is usually forward motion. It doesn’t pull us back when we filter it based on what we know now not who we were then. We can understand more, not just about others but about ourselves—our grief, our weaknesses, our healing, our history, our possibilities. We get to grow.

Fathers Day (and other holidays) aren’t just to put a person or role at the center of the day but also to do a quick memory check. Reflect on what you remember and what it reveals about your values. Then ask if you’re on track. Because every time you remember others is a chance to reflect on your own legacy. And that legacy is determined one small choice at a time every single day.

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