I was on a regular call with a couple guests. They were people we all knew but simply weren’t regulars on our calls. I thought it odd to give them a title. They weren’t really guests. We all knew them and spoke with them fairly regularly. They were simply joining a call. One slid into the conversation with ease. The other was…not “guestly.” He made me wonder: what is appropriate guest behavior?

First, here’s what made me uncomfortable. He interrupted often. Even when it was to clarify something, it seemed abrupt. It pulled us back at a time we’d been diligently leaning forward, even painfully so with extra effort and time. Sometimes pulling back is good. It can be productive. Similar to a slingshot, pulling back creates tension but only to gather power and momentum to catapult us farther. But this felt more like a pull back car. You know the kind that you pull back then let it go to move forward? But if we don’t leave it grounded, the pull back is quickly lost as the tires spin in the air. That’s where we were—being pulled back then lifted up, so the momentum was abandoned. It felt pointless.

Second, he repeatedly apologized by pointing out he was a guest and handing it back to the organizer. That would have been okay if it had only happened once or twice. Instead, he not only repeated it but revealed an insincerity when he would interrupt again within the organizer’s first or second sentence of getting us back on track.

Instead of being respectful, it was as if precious time we all needed to progress with the long task lists and tight schedules—hence the need for a touch base meeting—was squandered. Watching and listening to the dynamics and effects reminded me that leadership does not justify veiled respect.

And perhaps that one word encapsulates what being a guest involves: respect. Whether a guest is in a meeting, in a home, or at an event, respect is important. Respect the schedule or agenda someone put together. Respect the space and resources you have access to. Respect the people around you. That doesn’t mean you can’t speak up, problem-solve, or challenge. Not doing so can be just as disrespectful. It’s more about the attitude behind your words and actions than anything else. The attitude comes through. It’s what people receive even if they think it’s more the specific words, looks, or responses. Respect isn’t shrinking back. It’s not about unquestioned admiration and following whatever is happening. Respect is a regard for others and appropriate responsiveness. It’s an investment fueled by empathy and collaboration. Respect will always spur a forward momentum, because it positions people at their best. Challenge yourself to assume a posture of respect today.

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