I’m tired of people hurting others. Specifically, I’m tired of women – in churches – hurting other women – in and outside churches. Sure, I know Christian women aren’t super women. They’re not immune to personality clashes, jealousy, spite, power struggles, etc. But…really?

I’m passionate about fostering healthy relationships – among individuals and teams. And I’m passionate about equipping and encouraging women – particularly in church leadership. Those two things combined mean I get to talk to women nearly every day. And I love it! Even when it gets messy, I feel I’m right where God wants me to be. But I still want to scream…”REALLY?!” At least once a week I hear from someone who was crushed by another’s comment, oversight or insensitivity. Perhaps they weren’t personally crushed but they were still affected because a woman on the same team, or a friend, or a coworker was directly involved.

I’ve thought about buying a car to decorate and drive to any problem area and “fix” the issues. But alas, I can’t fix them. There IS something I can do, and that’s pour into women, one at a time, to encourage her to build healthy relationships. Right now, that woman might be you. Perhaps I’ll dig deeper into these areas in later posts, but for now, please consider…

• Stop the gossip. It’s not okay to disguise gossip as concern or prayer requests. It’s not okay to let someone else gossip. It’s not okay to share something with someone without the other person’s permission. It doesn’t take long to ask “Do you mind if I share this concern with _______?” Your default setting should be to NOT share. Sharing outside the relationship of the person involved isn’t necessary. Respect the other person. And respect yourself. You demean both when you gossip. A gossip ruins friendships. Proverbs 16:28
• Toughen your skin. Not everything is about you. Not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes people say hurtful things because they’re having a bad day or there’s a misunderstanding…or they’re just being mean! Don’t take it personally. “Man up” – or in this case “woman up.” Take the high road. Don’t retaliate with meanness. Respond in patience, kindness, and, yes, even love. Hatred stirs up trouble, but love forgives all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12
• Deal with conflict. Yes, you need to be forgiving, but you’re not forgiving someone when you bury hurt feelings into a deep corner of your heart. Or when you talk about the conflict behind someone’s back. Or when you start to assume someone’s thoughts or motives. If you can really let it go, let it go, but sometimes you have to make peace. Make is active. It doesn’t just happen.  Conflict can be tough, but when your goal is to come out on the other side with healing, whether the other person agrees or not, you’ll grow through the experience. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:18

Has someone hurt your feelings? Pray…and talk to the person about it.

Have you possibly hurt someone’s feelings? Pray, swallow your pride, and apologize. Even if you had good intentions and don’t think what you said or did was offensive, if someone took offense, it was offensive. You don’t have to admit to being a horrible person, but perhaps you need to take a step into humility. It’s not about you. It’s about a relationship.

We’re not going to be perfect in this life, but we need to be growing. We need to increasingly reflect God. That involves knowing God’s character, seeking God’s will and then obeying what God’s will entails…even when it’s uncomfortable or you don’t like.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to face God and hear him say: “Really?!”

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I stopped those childish ways. It is the same with us. Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly. Now I know only a part, but then I will know fully, as God has known me. So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:11-13