My husband wasn’t feeling well while I was travelling. He stayed home from work, which told me he really wasn’t feeling well. He usually drags himself to work no matter what. Since he typically wants to be left alone when he’s sick, I thought it was probably a good thing that I was gone. My roommate mentioned it was probably good that I was gone, so I didn’t have to worry about getting sick. “But that means you’ll probably go home to a lot more work!” she commented.

“Not at all!” was my quick response.

I went on to explain how well Tim takes care of things while I’m gone (as well as when I’m home). He tries to keep up with the laundry and dishes. He cleans up any significant messes and takes out the trash. I was sure that even if he was sick, he’d end up disinfecting everything before Courtney got home from school, let along before I got home the following day.

I checked in with Tim a couple times through the day, and he was feeling better by late afternoon. I told him what I had told my roommate, since I was sure it would convey my appreciation for all he does.

He had a busy morning the following day. I called him as I was driving home from the airport. He arrived home only an hour before I’d be there. He seemed preoccupied, so we didn’t chat for long. When I got home, he confessed. Because of what I’d shared about his willingness to keep the house in presentable order, he felt pressure to be sure he met my expectations. He’d been rushing around, making sure everything he thought should be done was done before I arrived.

That certainly wasn’t my intention. I simply wanted to let him know I appreciate what he does.

When have you tried to meet someone’s expectations?

What’s the difference in your response between feeling someone has unreasonable expectations of you verses expectations that challenge and encourage you?

How are you communicating your expectations to others?

Tim didn’t think I had unreasonable expectations, but he was definitely motivated by what I said to him. There’s a fine line in motivating someone with encouragement and motivating someone with intimidation.

Considering God as the role model, what we expect of others and how we communicate those expectations should always be founded in love. Godly love isn’t the sappy, mushy, feel-good love we might think of as love.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth.  Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Love is active. It builds. It honors. It responds.

Today, expect with love. When you do, whether someone perceives the expectations as too high or low, you can be less concerned with the perception of expectations and more concerned with the perspective of  expectations.