Look, my eyes have seen all this; my ears have heard and understood it.
Everything you know, I also know; I am not inferior to you.
Yet I prefer to speak to the Almighty and argue my case before God.
But you coat the truth with lies; you are all worthless doctors.
If only you would shut up and let that be your wisdom! (Job 13:1-5)
Sometimes our friends say things we don’t like. (Sometimes other people do, too, but it’s easier to dismiss people we’re not close to.) We value friendship, but we don’t always like the truth that comes with it. Sometimes, our friends are flat out wrong or their motivation to “help” us is misguided. But sometimes, they give us a dose of truth, and while it might be intended to be loving, it feels anything but.
We lash out. We defend ourselves. We attack the very ones we feel attacked by, no matter what their intentions were in the first place.
When we don’t like what friends say, we sometimes turn on them. But is there a hint of truth in what they’re saying? What damage will we do to the friendship with our lashing out, and is it worth the cost? Do we play the blame game and walk away, claiming with friends like these, who needs enemies? Do we put on the coat of self-righteousness, claiming our perspective is the truthful one, as if only one of us can have truth on our side?
What if we took a deep breath and maybe even a time out before we responded?
The next verse in Job says, “Hear now my argument, and listen to my defense.” (Job 13:6) Isn’t that the main issue? We want to be listened to, heard. We want to be able to express ourselves in real ways. It’s difficult, because it makes us vulnerable, but vulnerability is a small price to pay compared to being unknown and misunderstood.
When we don’t like what our friends have to say, we can respond with humility and trust that God knows us well, just as He knows our friends well–better than we can possibly know each other. We can trust Him. After all, it’s not as much about the verdict of who is right and who is wrong; it’s trusting God to be right and knowing we can be right together when we seek and follow Him well…together.