“It’s time to move on.”
Someone said those words to me, and it made sense in the context. They are still difficult words for anyone in process to hear. Moving on is a constant decision to heal, forgive, and persevere.
It’s not possible to “move on” as if it’s a one time choice that clearly delineates everything as either before or after a significant event. It is a process, a “moving on.”
I have no doubt this particular person was encouraging me more than chastising me, yet I know many people dealing with some sort of grief who are told to “move on” in a not-so-encouraging way. I think it’s uncomfortable for some people to be faced with the reality of grief, betrayal, or something else that spurs pain, even when it’s someone else’s pain. Perhaps it’s a reminder of the frailty of life, their own mistakes, or a simple discomfort. They want to get the person through it and avoid the wear and tear of the process. But processing and getting stuck in a quagmire are two different things. We might want people to move on so that they don’t get stuck in the quagmire, but they need to go through the process of moving on in order to heal and grow through it. We might think the quick fix is the best way to go, but it often involves a choice to close our eyes and compartmentalize the reality of the situation. We don’t work through the process; we only delay it and let it grow into something it doesn’t need to be become.
It is in the details of the reality, and the way we face them, that we often find the deepest healing and most healthy growth.