Divorce, My Life with God

Giving In, Giving Up

photo-1500382017468-9049fed747efI was ready to give up, to give in.

I don’t have a lot of those moments these days, but they still come at times. I’m just deeply sad or overwhelmed or frustrated. The feeling most recently came when I had space and time to breathe and remember, to tally the loose ends of divorce that I couldn’t personally wrap up and seemed to be getting nowhere in motivating others to take action, to listen to and notice the depth of hurt family and friends closest to me continue to feel through the fractures – and to feel their frustration with others who don’t seem to want to face the fallout and deal with it in healthy ways to be able to move on.

I had space to breathe, but I couldn’t. Tears fell, I gasped, and I felt crushed.

“I give! I’m done!”

I heard the words come out of my mouth, although I don’t remember processing them. Until I heard them.

God has impeccable timing. I was talking with him, and he had a great comeback.

As I heard the word “give” explode from myself, the intended focus of giving in and giving up was washed away with a simple question that changed my perspective.

“What would I be giving, really?”

Why do we even use the word “give” in those phrases? Because we aren’t really giving anything at all. When we’re in that dark place, teetering on hopelessness, we’re not usually focused on giving at all. We go internal . The world presses in on us, yet it fades around us at the same time. We forget the perspective we had in the light.

Give. Light. Hope.

My focus shifted.

No matter where you are right now, your focus can shift, too.

Don’t make a decision in the dark until you make sure it’s what stands true and pure in the light.

The sunrise of a new day is a beautiful thing.

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