On the morning of the last full day of my recent writing retreat, I felt sensitive and unsettled. Perhaps it was the combination of looping back into the experiences of the past couple years as I wrote while also anticipating returning to my routine and considering what choices I needed to make next.
I allowed time during the retreat for intentional rest, but I was having trouble being intentional or restful that morning. There is a difference between being lazy and being intentionally restful. I felt an odd combination of spinning and being stuck. I’ve felt it before, and I knew I needed to take a step into God’s presence.
I started watching a teaching video with the hope it would jolt me a bit or even ease me into truth. I didn’t listen long before I heard something that made me laugh out loud. I shared in the group message with my retreat friends
So, my rest time almost slipped into lazy, feel sorry for myself time this morning. I knew I had to be more intentional, so I started watching a video on Theology and Therapy. I’m laughing: in the context of how our culture has conditioned us to look for an easy three points that can fix things, three steps for moving on, etc., they’re using an analogy of going through a drive-through yet being impatient with its service. One of the speakers said, “The lady at a fast food drive-through might be slow, but God is a lot slower most of the time.” Ha! Truth!
I received the following in response:
I got a visual of you standing on a pillar. You’re buried to the waist in quicksand which is slowly receding. As long as you stand firm, everything is okay! But you don’t feel like that at times.
I appreciate the honesty and accountability of my writing retreat friends. The reply spoke bold truth to me. It resonated with and challenged me. It strengthened me.
However you are feeling right now will not last forever, but you need to be truthful about where you are and where you need to be. You might not feel as if you can move, and perhaps you can’t at the moment. Perhaps you need to stand firm. Perhaps you need to be still. Perhaps you need to fight hard and break free.
Take a deep breath. Take inventory. Take God’s direction.