I’m a planner. If you’ve followed my blog for long, you’ve heard my admission to being a recovering control freak.
To be honest, I don’t really like control anymore. It’s uncomfortable. I’m okay with responsibility and influence. And I’m organized and want to be intentional about using the time and resources God has given me, but it has become more of a yield than a drive. God has repeatedly revealed the strengths and skills he gave me while chipping away at the rough edges I misunderstood and misused at times.
Relying on him through uncertainties and trusting him for patience and flexibility has come in handy this year.
Seriously, how many plans have you made that have been changed this year—just in the last month? Cancelled trips, creative weddings, postponed gatherings, restructured teaching/learning, technology-accessed connections, rescheduled (and rescheduled again) appointments.
Deaths with no family surrounded.
Grief with no gathering of support.
Births will little or no family and delayed snuggles.
Teaching with no classroom.
Worshiping with no building.
Serving with new boundaries.
Healing away from caregivers.
Figuring out new rules and guidelines.
Listening to others. Helping others. Reaching out to others.
Adjusting.
To me, adjusting is an act of trust and faith. It’s not about figuring it out as I muddle through; it’s knowing God well enough to choose the strength I know I might lack but he provides. It’s knowing the outcome isn’t as important as the process—anxiety lessens as hope increases. And truth is at the core of it all.
2020 might not look like you or I expected or wanted, but that doesn’t mean we’re ill-equipped. We don’t have to be overwhelmed by what feels overwhelming. God is bigger. Faith doesn’t take away the crisis; it makes way for what’s possible. Faith reminds us of purpose in God’s plan, even when the season we’re in looks murky.
Pure Purpose 
Well, I use my planner for jotting down notes about my day. Have to have some kind of calendar for keeping track of my work schedule since as an essential worker I am still employed full time. As reminders pop up in my phone about meetings and events, I have gone through and deleted everything not work related for the next 6 months. Definitely has turned everything wrong side out and upside down. I am in a job where we have to plan slightly ahead for phases as COVID affects our community, but even that feels unsure. Scheduled procedures have all been cancelled, outpatient appointments for things like heart ultrasounds are pushed back two months, and the hospital is sitting half empty. Could be much different, social distancing at least has kept us from being full with coronavirus patients, and we have so far been able to keep them in different areas away from the rest of the patient population. But that could change so quickly. I am weary for different reasons than our counterparts in other areas of the country who are battling this pandemic head on. We are in a high state of alert, to a point. The overwhelming busyness we had during influenza season earlier is gone, because with social distancing we finally saw THAT slow down. It was terrifying to think of being full of both kinds of illnesses. I see national numbers of cases and deaths and remind myself it could be MUCH worse.
And still other things keep happening reminding me that coronavirus is not the only illness threatening those I love. My mother in law has been in the hospital for two weeks. First with a mild heart attack, then with pneumonia and failing kidneys. A longtime friend has received a diagnosis of lymphoma and is starting chemo and radiation treatments next week. Her husband is having circulatory issues with one leg.
Plans? What are those? Don’t have them anymore and will not be making any. Over it.
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