Fractured Into Wholeness

The Process of Being Fractured Into Wholeness

I’m not whole yet, and I think that’s okay.

When I look back over my life, I remember times I thought I was in a good place, but I now know I had a lot to learn. Some of the things I didn’t expect or want to happen did, yet I survived. In some situations, I thrived. In others, I scraped by. I can also look back and reflect on seasons in which I thought I wasn’t in a great place, but so many opportunities and connections came out of them. Glancing back reminds me I need to broaden my perspective on today.

Every single day.

Every day has the potential to lean into wholeness, to engage in an authentic way with others, myself, and God. And every day has the potential to lean into the fracturing process, to be broken in the best ways and to yield to the healing in even better ways. We want the wholeness without the fracturing. We want to reap without cultivating and pruning. We want the finish line before the run. We want more feel good days than the crummy ones.

The fracture into wholeness process includes both aspects—fracturing and becoming whole. Sometimes the fracturing is caused by something we do. Sometimes it’s spurred by someone else, and we’re shocked, overwhelmed, and disoriented. It’s hard. It’s crippling. It’s beyond what we imagine or fathom or think we can survive.

But God…

I know many people who think my faith in God is an easy way out. It’s not easy. He’s not easy. He is something much better—good, capable, trustworthy. He is beyond what we imagine, fathom, or think. No matter what someone else does, he sees, cares, and heals. No matter what we have done, he sees, cares, and heals.

As I begin this series to update my fractured into wholeness journey, I must both broaden the perspective and focus on the center. God is both. In the blinding darkness of the first night, when what and whom I thought I knew made absolutely zero sense, I was alone with God. When the person I’d loved and trusted and planned a future with vehemently and callously disregarded me, I was alone with God. As the night turned into day and more nights and days continued to swirl by, I was alone with God. I began to realize my healing didn’t begin that night. It began long before because of my relationship with him. And my fracturing didn’t end in those first days, weeks, or years. Today’s fractures are different, but I’m still being fractured, not because of God but because of the world and my own humanity. And it’s okay, because God is healing me into wholeness, every moment I yield.

Today I will focus on him and see myself and others as he wants me to see. I’ll trust him to open my eyes, hands, mind, and heart, as well as to guard them. I’d rather have vulnerability and presence in his care than anywhere else. Without him, the fractured into wholeness would not be framed in the purpose no shrapnel can shred.

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