Nerves remember.

It’s a physiological thing. Our nerves actually remember. Not in the sense of all the details of a highlight of our lives. The nerves don’t tell the story. They feel it, and because they do, so do we.

I have a friend who very much dislikes the movie Inside Out, because like the main character Riley, she and her family moved shortly before the release of the movie. It was a difficult move, and the movie reminded her of the intense feelings involved. Because intense feelings stick around even if they only surface when prodded.

Intense feelings, based in what we might call core memories but also associated with patterns of memories, can reflect happiness, grief, hurt, anger, jealousy, shame, anxiety, and more. Sometimes the root is deep, as if something had the impact of a meteor, burying itself deeply on impact, creating a crater of sorts. This can be an intense bonding experience or a sudden trauma. Other times the impact is more of a rut, established over time, such as trust built in a relationship or consistent discouragement in school or work.

I used this analogy recently when asked how I’ve moved on from a trauma of the meteor type. The impact of the trauma is still there, but I don’t feel it on a regular basis. The crater isn’t going away, which is what often happens when someone else is involved but there is never a resolution with that person. But I don’t live in the crater. It’s one of many parts of my life—the most traumatic to date, but I don’t carry it. It’s almost as if the nerves hold the trauma. I remember details, but I don’t dwell in them. It’s enough for my nerves to maintain the feelings for me. I’ve done the healing work I can do. When the feelings come from the crater, I do more work. But in between, I let my nerves—my mind and body—do the work God designed them to do.

I’m not saying it’s easy or simple, but perspective matters. I never want to give trauma, or any other significant event, in my life one bit more or less than God intends.

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