We live in four time zones. Choosing a time to connect can be challenging, but it’s always worth the effort. We individually stay connected outside of our infrequent group conversations, but we casually share some updates as we settle. We ask about some things from the past to get progress updates. But we mostly talk about….anything on our minds.

“I’m curious: what do you think about…?” then we insert a culturally relevant topic, quandary we recently experienced, or anything else on our minds. We don’t avoid the tough stuff. We don’t get irritated with each other when we disagree. We respectfully listen and ask follow up questions, not from a place of interrogation but an approach of curiosity. Our lives are different. We come from different backgrounds. We live in different places. We don’t agree on everything. And that’s what makes our conversations so invigorating. We respect each other enough to truly want to hear varying perspectives. We trust each other enough to truly want to share our vulnerabilities.

Six hours later and firmly into the next day’s wee hours for some of our time zones, we decide to end the conversation, but we aren’t done. We never are. We could continue to talk, share, question, and challenge. We never close our conversations with everything tied into neat and tidy bows. While each of us might have some clarity on a particular topic or two, it’s more likely we’ve done a bit of unraveling. We’ve shifted perspective or at least considered a vantage point we hadn’t peered from before.

Although we’re only virtually together physically, we’re authentically and vulnerably together relationally. Our time is valuable, so we don’t waste it by going through the hoops of niceties. We don’t pick up where we left off months (sometimes years) earlier, because it’s not where any of us are in life. We jump in with each other in the present day. We attempt to heal some present day wounds or insecurities but always with the intent of catapulting each other forward. Well, we might be a bit more gentle than catapulting sounds, but our guards are down, and when we’re willing, we’ll change. We do more than hold each other accountable; we encourage each other where we are but never leave each other there. We’re moving forward, because that’s the reality of life. We don’t have time to pat each other on our backs and sit in the comfortable chairs.

Not one of us is remotely close to perfect. Not one of us has figured out how to balance everything in our lives. Not one of us is willing to settle, give up our curiosity, or let fear keep us from growing. Not one of us is too proud to be offended, too timid to stop questioning, or too ignorant to stop listening.

We met many years ago, rarely if ever just the four of us, but having enough in common that we repeatedly connected. Many more friendships grew out of some of the same connections and situations, but every friendship is different. And I whole-heartedly appreciate these three women who come from three corners different from mine yet connected so beautifully to mine through the stitches that bind over distance or differences.

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