My annual writing retreat is filled with conversations and accountability—and not only for writing or other creative goals. Through the years, we’ve journeyed through some difficult situations, sharing life with each other. We’ve processed aloud, sometimes asking for guidance; other times, simply wrestling on our own. There’s not always a solution to every issue. We must journey through, one choice, one response at a time. We’ve exposed each other to situations common among us and situations not everyone will live. But there’s always something to learn, even if we don’t realize it at the time.

I’ve always appreciated the nourishing conversations we have when on site together. But I have come to appreciate the helpfulness these conversations bring to my life in the months between the retreats. Sometimes the seeds grow across multiple years. I think back on what someone shared years ago, and I realize a seed was planted and grew without me noticing it in the background until I needed a beautiful blooming reminder or a nourishing treat to savor.

This dynamic isn’t specific to writing retreat friends. Good thing, because those circles aren’t common. You have your own circles. They might not be a regular group of friends you get together with on a regular basis. There are many stages in life that make those circles challenging. But there are always people with whom you cross paths on a regular basis. It might be work, school pick up lines, friends or family text threads, or other common routine-based interactions. Perhaps you don’t feel as if you have much in common with these people, or you don’t like the influence they have on your life. That doesn’t mean you can negate their influence on you. You will always be influenced, whether you welcome and appreciate it or not.

Know what is growing from the seeds planted by your conversations and interactions. Prune what needs to be eliminated, and cultivate what needs to be fostered. Be intentional, so you can rely on what you’ve learned across the years. And remember, it’s not just what others speak but what you say to yourself as well.