Apologies have their place. Some people shudder at the thought of apologizing. They’d rather fight to prove their points. Apologizing seems weak, submissive, a sign of defeat. But it’s not. When an apology is neither premature or belated, when it is authentically considered and humbly offered, it reveals strength in a person. It infuses strength into a relationship. It builds trust.

Yet “I’m sorry” can be overused, replacing a more specific expression. For what are you apologizing? Is an apology the most important and accurate extension you can offer? For example, if your plans change and you reach out to your friends to explain why you’ll be later than expected, what if you say you’re sorry for inconveniencing them but follow up with a thank you to share your appreciation of their flexibility?

If you realize you unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings, you can say you’re sorry but follow up with a thank you to share your appreciation of their willingness to listen to you and consider your intentions.

If you realize you forgot someone’s birthday, you can say you’re sorry but follow up with a belated card, thanking them for a friendship that lasts through forgetfulness.

A simple “I’m sorry” is sometimes enough. Dwelling on the situation might not help. In those circumstances, move on. But always consider ways to build a relationship. It’s not about restitution as it is about healing with trust. “I’m sorry” can be a flippant ball you toss in the air, assuming it will land where you want. When followed by appropriate action—immediately or some time later—to heal a relationship, the “I’m sorry” is a simple indicator that leads into practical actions emphasizing the importance of a relationship. It’s the specific context of the apology that reveals the authenticity, humility, strength.

Know what you’re offering when you extend an apology. It’s not as simple as a couple words.