My job is about being right. Always. If I’m ever wrong, I must make use of all my means and resources to bend and align reality according to my mistake so that it ceases to be a mistake. (Hernan Diaz, Trust)

While I haven’t read the book, when I heard the quote in an interview, its truth saddened me. By truth, I don’t mean I agree with it, but I agree many people believe and live by it. And the approach might help people feel better about themselves, but it erodes relationships and stability. It detaches people from reality and responsibility.

If every one of us aligns reality to our own comfort, what reality is there? I don’t mean to throw anyone into an existential crisis; I intend only to help shift the lengths at which people are willing to go to satisfy themselves, placing selfishness above compassion, empathy, and humility. In what world is it okay to eliminate the need for forgiveness, because everything that would require forgiveness is reframed and justified, perhaps even applauded when distorted? What relationship can be sustainable when built on individual foundation of sand. In these situations, the initial foundation seems trustworthy, because the reality of whatever came before is re-written, morphed into whatever is palatable and attractive. But without a pursuit of truth, removing mask after mask to reveal clear honesty, there will be little that is trustworthy across time.

Philippians 4 states, “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” That is quite different than the unreliable shifting sands of focusing on whatever is false, dishonorable, wrong, impure, hideous, inferior, or disgraceful. It doesn’t feel so clear cut in the moment. Our need to shift in defensiveness seems acceptable because it’s comforting. It’s something we can do to avoid, which feels better than ownership. But in the long run, it’s important what we think about. Our thoughts drive our actions. Our actions impact everyone around us.