Insecurity is loud. Confidence is quiet.

It seems counterintuitive. Insecurity seems quiet. People don’t speak up because of insecurity. People who appear to be confident make loud statements. But that’s what we assume and expect, not what is real.

Confidence isn’t pride. Pride prompts us to speak loudly, authoritatively, and often aggressively. Oddly, insecurity can often be masked by the same approach. Insecurities can also prompt us to speak loudly and aggressively, not out of intention but out of an attempt to assume a position we have or want but haven’t earned.

Confidence and insecurity are not position-dependent. Leaders aren’t always confident, and followers aren’t always insecure. Every single one of us is both a leader and a follower. We have influence over others and we are influenced by others. To ignore or downplay either position limits our relationships. Instead of being concerned about a position in relation to others, whether it’s in our families, communities, or workplaces, we’d better benefit from assessing our insecurities and confidences. Each of us has both.

We cannot get rid of all insecurities. Nor should we. They are important indicators for us to reflect upon. Authentic consideration of insecurities helps us discern steps of healing, growth, and vulnerabilities. Likewise, we can’t rest in our confidences. We must humbly consider how we’ve letting our confidences hold us back. We can easily get comfortable in our confidences and fail to grow in them or invite a dismantling so they can develop more healthily.

The healthiest confidence is infused with humility. It’s intentional. It’s never harsh. It’s never self-centered. It’s always wise. It’s not always received well, just like insecurity isn’t received well at times. Our intention and others’ reception do not always match. That’s okay, because we continue to move forward. The context broadens and invites revisions, growth, and understanding.

Sometimes life is quiet, and sometimes it’s loud. Know your volume—and others’. Know your insecurities—and others’. Know your confidences—and others’. You don’t live in isolation, and neither does the volume of your insecurities and confidence.