One of my best friends texted encouragement to me. She was praying for me as I explored an opportunity and faced a decision. Her note included the phrase “deserve his will.” I knew she meant “discern his will” instead, but talk to text sometimes seems to have a will of its own.

But she wasn’t wrong. It’s not that I (or you or anyone else) deserves his will because of who I am or what I do. It’s because of who God is. He created me and invited me into his will. And his will isn’t a list of requirements and guidelines. It’s a fullness with much more freedom than we think. We sometimes want to focus on the restrictions as constraints. God gives us boundaries for security and fulfillment. There’s plenty to explore and enjoy within the boundaries, but we find them too confining at times. We want to cross them and go elsewhere.

And that is where discernment comes in. We get to respond, explore, decide. We get to listen and inquire. We get to struggle. We get to find his will then enjoy it. Or not. He doesn’t force us. That’s not to say it doesn’t feel that way at times. He challenges us and it’s uncomfortable, because we want what we want. But when we get to know him, really get to know him, instead of making him what we want or need him to be—good or bad—a depth of peace among the struggles and uncertainties grows. Hope among the pain. Love among the hurt. Joy among the chaos. Faith among the fractures.

Discernment isn’t always certainty, because it’s not always final. It’s most often a process of constantly seeking and trusting and listening and responding. It’s more about a relationship than a result. I’m glad I get to go. Sometimes I drudge and sometimes I run. Sometimes I pause and sometimes I skip. But at least I get to do it within the beauty of the boundaries that let me both explore and reside.

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