Your procrastination doesn’t make it my emergency.

I thought it was a common saying, but when I said it to someone recently, they laughed and declared it was one of the most accurate phrases they’d ever heard. Maybe it’s because I’ve lived it too many times. It’s likely a common experience for people who are planners or preparers. We plan and prepare because we know there are going to be last minute challenges and interruptions. We shift due dates by a few days to allow additional time for distractions. It’s a juxtaposition of structure that allows for flexibility. And when the typical interruptions and delays happen, it’s annoying but not surprising. However, there are some situations more frustrating than others.

One of the most frustrating comes from leadership. When in a typical team environment, somebody drops the ball, and it’s often optional whether or not we pick up the ball to keep progress moving. Usually we do, at least if we want a decent grade in class or a goal met at work or something else. But when the ball gets dropped by leadership, it’s a little bit different in how we respond. We might feel more pressure and less choice. We have enough respect for the position that we want to be responsible and responsive, but we might have lost respect for the individual, especially after repeat shirking of responsibilities or inconsistent availability and collaboration, so we’re conflicted. We need to do our job, but what does it look like to take on the job of someone who supervises? There is respect for the position, but also respect for ourselves.

There isn’t an easy, once-size-fits-all answer—except to respond with integrity. Even when leadership fails, we can lead well—maybe not from our position but in our response. We lead by example. We respond with humility, strength, courage, and honesty. We don’t put others in the position we’ve learned is frustrating to be placed in. We break the cycle.

We can’t plan or prepare for it all. We’ll be inconvenienced and frustrated at times. But we can acknowledge the people around us feeling the same, and we can support each other. That’s what we do together—when we work, play, and live. Notice the people around you and consider the frustrations they’re experiencing. If you can share their burden, do it—and sometimes that means unburdening yourself from the situations that continually stress and frustrate you because others aren’t willing to acknowledge you well.

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