We choose our battles. We don’t have to fight every one we’ve invited to. Sometimes we relinquish. It’s not that we agree with the person. It’s not that we get on the same page as someone. But we decide something is more important.

I found myself in a debate recently at work. I felt strongly about a solution to a challenge. Someone else felt strongly as well. But we didn’t agree on the solution. The discussion came up several times over a couple weeks. We respected each other’s perspectives. There was going to be costs and benefits with either option. I thought we had resolved the issue—more than once. But I could tell the other person wasn’t content with the plan, because it continued to pop into conversations. I would have been okay with making a shift but not until we at least tried one approach. I wanted to be consistent long enough to identify specifically what should be tweaked. But after the third time of the person revisiting the same conversation, I knew I had a choice. I could regularly hit replay and be pulled back into the same conversation until I relinquished, or I could shortcut the process and agree with a different approach.

I didn’t agree. I didn’t change what I thought. I simply decided my time and energy could be used better elsewhere. I stated the concerns I had but agreed to move forward to what the other person preferred. I won’t keep score. I won’t tally the incidences that support my concerns. There would have been concerns with either approach, and it’s smarter to authentically look at all of them. It’s not about my way. It’s about finding the best way. Even best ways come with sacrifices.

I will fight when the fight is important. I will bring up concerns and repeat them. I will pick my battles. And sometimes I’d rather prioritize a relationship, whether it’s between me and someone or another group of people. Sometimes I’ll prioritize my time and energy, or someone else’s if they’re not able to see what they might need. And sometimes I prioritize peace. And peace isn’t about giving in; sometimes it’s about making a path. Peacekeeping isn’t the goal: peacemaking is. And the latter always requires more investment.

How we respond to battles will nearly always reflect what is important to us—and who is important to us. Take a look at what you’re battling right now. When it involves others, are you battling based on what you want from others or how they can serve you, or are you considering what you want for others and how you can serve in the situation? If you’re only willing to focus on yourself and your preferences, you’ll end up losing. Sacrifice might not sound like a win, but it often is.

Take a look at your battles today.

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