Generally, when men respond in anger, it’s somewhat expected or at least not surprising. I’m not referring to violent anger but simply raised volume and a forced posture. For women, responding with tears is generally not surprising. And tears don’t have to be to the extent of someone breaking down but simply an overflow of emotions. Interestingly, many women tear up when angry. And they get irritated with themselves over angry tears, because they want to continue to argue and express their stance. Tears can disrupt the progress and even spur some sympathy or more anger from the other person—neither which they want.

When women respond with tears, they might be labeled as emotional. News alert: anger is an emotion as well. Why is it that women are deemed emotional as if it is a bad thing while men aren’t labeled as emotional but are. I know these are gross generalizations, but they’re important to consider, because we do both genders a disservice by not expanding what we understand about emotions, their purpose, and their expressions.

Emotions enhance our experiences, as if a highlighter has illuminated what’s going on in our lives. But as we experience emotions, we can feel less enhanced and more exposed. We can feel unmasked, and unmasking can feel refreshing or unsettling. Despite how we experience emotions, they can lead us to depend on God. It’s not an automatic response, but it’s possible. The less willing we are to recognize and properly identify the emotion, the less likely we’ll rely on God through it.

God is definitely aware of emotions. Emotions saturate Scripture. God is an emotional God—not in the same way we talk about an emotional person. But God is certainly aware of the runaway emotions we’re referring to when we put a negative spin on emotions. We can’t escape God’s presence. That means he sees and hears alongside us, including our (often messy) emotions. And if we let him, God will replace those untruthful messages we’ve learned about emotions along the journey of life with the truthful messages reflecting his character.

We sometimes experience emotions negatively because we feel victimized by them. Emotions can make us feel as if we’re on a board game. Perhaps you know some of the rules.

• Your move is dependent on others’ moves. (Your emotions are responses to others.)
• Only one person can occupy a space at one time. (Your emotions prohibit you from some experiences.)
• You’ll incur penalties for landing on certain spaces. (Some of your emotions will only end in trouble.)
• Where you land is determined by the roll of a die. (You don’t have control over your emotions.)
• You might need to go back several spaces. (Your emotions can get you stuck.)

We misinterpret some of our emotions at times, which doesn’t accurately interpret what is happening around and inside us. We misuse emotions to mask other emotions. And we can even find some negative emotions can be energizing. We might not like them. We might complain about them. But we’d rather feel something than nothing, and negative emotions at least help us feel something. Because we often experience negative emotions as more intense than positive emotions, we’re more energized and consumed by them…and therefore often less willing to give them up.

We want something to be changed, but we’re not willing to be changed. We struggle—and our struggle is often internal. But our internal battles show on the outside. Our thoughts and emotions are intricately intertwined, and they impact our behaviors. When our emotions escalate unchecked, we’ll end up behaving how we feel. Behavior changes as emotions and thoughts change.

God created us to reflect his emotions. He gave us those emotions to enhance our experiences. But if we distort them, if we ignore them, we won’t authentically live the full life he intends. The emotions can be difficult to identify, accept, and respond to, but they are a beautiful gift—a gift we should embrace ourselves but also help others embrace. That is why we need to pause before making hasty generalizations of our own or others’ emotional responses. Seek to see and feel what’s consistent with God, because I promise he knows what he’s doing.

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