“Would you consider being a mentor for me?”

“I’m pretty sure we already have a mentoring relationship. You might think I’m mentoring you, but you also mentor me.”

It was a conversation I had with a friend fifteen years ago. She seemed nervous to ask me even though we’d had many authentic conversations through difficult situations. I respected the way she approached me, and I was wholeheartedly willing, but I wanted her to know that mentoring is not one-way. Mentoring is done well when it’s done humbly. In my experience, the people who have mentored me best—formally or casually—have had a posture of finding a firm foundation while leaning into change.

Allowing yourself to be mentored is not just seeking advice or answers. It’s more of a process. It’s a relationship. Mentors rarely lecture. They dialogue. They listen. They share their experiences and their lives, but only to enhance the mentee’s experiences and life. Guidance is more important than instruction. Reflection is more important than correction. Of course, different mentoring situations call for different approaches, but respect is a must. It’s a mutual respect, not only for each other as individuals but for each other’s unique journeys. There is no copy/paste in life, including mentorships. There is overlap between people, of course, but no one completely follows in someone else’s footsteps. Timing differs. Situational details differ. Opportunities differ. Strengths and weaknesses differ. Goals and priorities differ.

The way we allow ourselves to be mentored, how we seek, receive, and respond to mentorship—formal or casual—sets the tone of how we will mentor others. If we can’t receive well, we won’t give well. We pour out what is poured in with the pause of how we process the in between. We get to do life with others. Be intentional and humble in how you give and receive.

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