When your granddaughter calls and says “Come over, Gramma!” you stop what you’re doing and go. At least, I did. 

I realize it’s not always possible, but consider the situations in which you’ve dropped what you’re doing. Emergencies likely come to mind first. The phone calls send us into response overdrive. We need to get somewhere fast. What was important five seconds earlier quickly disappears. We focus. We go. 

But there are a lot of times we respond immediately even when it’s not an emergency. A child needs to tell us a story or show us an art creation. It’s worth the interruption because it’s important to the child. If we don’t take the time in the moment, we’ll miss it. Kids move on quickly. Of course, we can’t stop everything we’re doing every time, but when relationships are important, we know when someone else’s needs are more important than our preferences.

A similar dynamic happens when a coworker has a question. We can’t stop what we’re doing every time, but when we’re part of healthy teams, we need to respect the processes as a whole, not just our own. 

Some people thrive in and even seek situations in which they’re needed, and it creates unhealthy situations for them, as well as the people around them. Codependency might provide some affirmation and comfort, but it isn’t a good long-term plan. Time management matters. Relationship management matters.

Sometimes we treat a situation like an emergency when we shouldn’t. Our need to be needed and our willingness to drop everything when there are other options puts pressure on the relationships we’re setting aside. We can’t be all places at once. We can’t invest in all people at once. Choosing is difficult at times. If we don’t struggle through our options, we might not notice the impact our decisions make on others. We like to see the good we’re doing. We don’t like to see the bad.

My granddaughter was glad to see me. I’m glad I went, but I know I can’t respond as quickly every time. It wouldn’t be good for me or for her. The same is true in many other situations and relationships. Immediate response is not feasible or sustainable. Dismissive response and disconnection are not sustainable either. At some point, we become disrespectful. We need to reflect on our responses, whether in emergencies or everyday requests. Are we approachable? Do we have wise responses? Do we reflect on the relationships we’re fostering or damaging? Are we doing life with others the way we should, the way we want, consistent with the best version of ourselves? It’s reality check time.