I don’t want to degrade the image others have of someone we both know, perhaps from different contexts. And I don’t encourage others to do so. But it’s hard to see someone misrepresented. If it doesn’t affect someone’s safety, sometimes it’s better to leave things unsaid. Experiences and perspectives differ. If it’s not going to hurt someone to not know more of the truth, why comment, even though it can satisfy our own need of justice. We can say we have pure motives, but do we? Sometimes people have to realize truth in their own time and firsthand observations. The discrepancies often come from the differences in the time period and context in which we know people.

I’ve struggled with it lately because of someone I’ve had recent interactions with. Despite the person having a great reputation, and my own experiences being positive in the past, I’ve experienced some conflicting qualities. I’ve struggled with how to portray some situations when people ask, because I want to simultaneously be honest and respectful. When I self-reflect, I realize there are pieces that I don’t know either. My context is limited, too. I don’t want to misrepresent someone by only providing a glimpse, just as I don’t want someone to misrepresent me based on limited contact and context.

I don’t think choosing to be quiet is always the best option. We sometimes help people by speaking out, but we need to do so appropriately. For example, in this same situation, I’ve had multiple personal conversations, planting seeds of the ripple effects some choices created. When someone is receptive, they reflect on whether there is any truth that could help them grow. When similar observations are spoken by multiple people, but the specific person doesn’t receive it with authentic reflection, they aren’t willing to grow. Respectfully speaking truth doesn’t always result in the response we want or expect from someone. They have choices. They have ownership. 

It can be frustrating to see the duplicity in people, but the best approach we can take is to constantly weed out any duplicity within our own lives. Be attentive, because it’s a constant process.