How deep are you willing to go with people?

I’ve heard several people lately wonder why people aren’t willing to go deeper with them. Why do things have to seem so shallow, just touching base every now and then but not sharing much more than is already on their social media accounts? Why does friendship feel like such an effort? Why can’t people just be real, authentic, and open with each other?

But when we wonder that, perhaps we need to ask ourselves how deep we’re willing to go? How real are we willing to be? How guarded are we? How might that affect someone else’s guardedness? On our way to trusting others (because let’s be honest: it’s a process), are we expecting them to trust us much more deeply and quickly?

Are you willing to give what you expect to get?

And if the answer is “yes,” are you still willing even if you don’t get what you expect in return?

After all, you can’t foresee the future. You don’t know which friendships will become lasting ones when you’re just beginning. You will never trust someone in the beginning of the friendship like you trust them after weathering some storms together. You will not let your guard down a lot until you’ve let it down a little.

Maybe others can sense your hesitancy. Maybe you’re not willing to give what you expect the other to give. Not that we shouldn’t have some healthy standards for relationships, but we can’t give up on the things willing to work for, and how do we know if it’s worth the work without putting in some work?

Be patient. Be realistic. Be generous.