Today’s guest post is written by Diana Vocks…
Go Where……Do What?
“He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.” (Psalm 40:2)
Whenever I read this verse my heart cries from pain and joy at the same time. The past is the pain and the present and future are the joy.
My husband and dearest friend Greg live and work in Austria. We work with TCMII at Haus Edelweiss. I won’t tell you we are on the Mission Field because that is where we all are: God’s Mission Field. This wasn’t always our life. We lived very comfortably in Illinois with our sons and their children in close proximity, a big old house, my little Pomeranians, a big yard for the kids to play and to have friends and family over, and a great church. It was a great life. So, how did we get to Austria! Well… that is another story. The story I want to share with you is the pre-story, the one that has shaped many things that have lead me/us here….to this part of my story. The part that few people know about me.
To help you understand me; I am a perfectionist in the truest form, I am an oldest child, and I am a nurse. I am a fretter. I need order, structure and information, and I am an extreme introvert. That says a lot about me. Drives me crazy! I can kick into overdrive very quickly. So here goes: the words I need to share with you today.
In my experience as a nurse, I really engrossed myself in my work, giving it my all, trying to be everything to everybody. When I was put into a situation where the circumstances directly involved me, trying to be everything to everyone became horrible. I became so compulsive and overprotective to those I was caring for, the staff, and my family. I felt I had to protect others and make everything perfect again. Months past, and I maintained my need to be the strong one.
Then it happened: I broke, literally broke.
The mirror in my mind shattered into a thousand pieces–Shattered!!!–and each piece said NO! in every shape and form. The stress of trying to be so perfect and to protect everyone but myself. I failed! For me, that was not an option. My heart, soul, mind, and body all broken, I remember driving (only by God’s grace) to my sister’s house, asking her to call my dear Nursing friend. I crawled into my nephew’s bed coat, shoes and all.
Empty, Empty, Empty. I had no more to give.
I realized that I needed some care and with my dear husband’s love as he stayed beside me, I chose to admit into the hospital for a few days. This is where God met me again, in my brokenness, my emptiness, my horrible pit. I had cared for all other aspects of my life, except Him. I forgot to!
I thought I was the stronger one. There in that room I reacquainted myself, reestablished, and recommitted. Jesus took me by the hand and lead me slowly back to a place of restoration, healing emotionally, physically, and socially. I changed–my relationships, my family, my work involvement, my Christian walk all changed. It was oh, so painful. But growth is painful.
I remember my boys would complain of their legs hurting, and I would blow them off, saying “It’s just growing pains.”Life has growing pains; God did not blow me off. (Sorry boys. I wish I had been more empathetic. Love you both!)
In that dark pit, when I reached out–and I remember physically reaching out to Jesus–He took my hand, He led me, and I followed. He took me to places I never dreamed I could go. He led me to the CPC ministry for seven years. What an adventure that was! He led me to TCM where we are today and minister with hundreds of people around the world. He is leading me through events in my family and personal life that are hard and frustrating at times, but I know in the end, if I follow, it will be okay. It might not be what I wanted, but it will be okay.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am not in control. GOD IS.
He recently showed me that very fact again. The one thing I said I would not do in order to stay here in Austria was to take another language course. Well, I went kicking and screaming. God is where I had to place my trust. He knew what was best, and I followed. Three weeks of intensive German, test passed, and visa requirement met.
I followed, and I submitted my will. That’s all He asks of me. Why do I so quickly forget He loves me?
God is waiting, He is aware and wants to help. When you allow Him to LEAD YOU, hold His hand tightly, because you can go really fast. So, when you are walking with the Lord and He says “go,” we need to say “Go where ….and let’s Do!”
Hugs to you all,
How is God using your today to prepare and purpose your tomorrow?
(The current Preparation series is intended to help you look for, notice, and acknowledge God working in your life. At the end of the month, I’ll give away a free ticket to the Living Proof Live with Beth Moore event in Springfield, IL, October 25-26, 2013. All you have to do to qualify for the free ticket drawing is to comment on one or more blog posts throughout the month of March. The ticket will be given away on April 1st (and it’s not an April Fools joke!). (If you live too far away to attend the event, I have an alternate giveaway and will then pass along the ticket to someone else.)