Something woke me up, and it wasn’t pleasant. I was in elementary school and heard footsteps while I was in bed, as if someone was walking through dry leaves. I was in my room on the second room of the house, so hearing someone close to me walking in leaves really wasn’t possible. But it certainly seemed real to me. As I held my breath, the noise stopped. I exhaled and moved in the bed…and the frightening steps began again. I stiffened my body again and the steps stopped. I repeated holding my breath and lying still with relaxing just enough to move slightly in bed again and again until I was convinced something or someone – I had no idea what or whom – was in my room with me (besides my older sister). I knew if I screamed, whatever it was would grab me, but I didn’t have an option. The room was dark, and I couldn’t see a thing. I just hoped someone would rescue me before I was in the arms of my terror. I sat up and screamed!
My sister bolted out of bed, and my mom raced up the stairs. I tried to explain what I was experiencing, but it likely came out in a jumbled mess. My mom investigated and found the source of my terror:
I had snuck a package of Girl Scout cookies into my room and placed the empty wrapper on top of my headboard. It had slipped between the headboard and wall, so every time I moved, the plastic shell in which the cookies were packaged moved just enough to make a crinkling sound. In my sleep, my imagination soared just enough to start a journey into unnecessary fear.
If only I had not snuck the cookies into my room.
Sometimes the fears in our lives are connected to the choices we make. Girl Scout cookies aren’t scary. Their packages aren’t scary. But I was scared. Of course, even in my obedience, I could have had a nightmare about someone chasing me through dry leaves. Obedience doesn’t eliminate the possibilities of fearful experiences, but disobedience will certainly increase the potential of fearful experiences.
When we know what we’re doing or have done is wrong, we can feel pursued by the discrepancies in our lives. We don’t want to be found out when we’ve been inauthentic. We wonder how long our facade will last. We know the foundation beneath us is shaky and that pieces will begin to crumble at any moment.
Disobedience isn’t worth it. I’m not talking about the moments we make the best choices we can but end up finding out other options might have been better. I’m not talking about unintentional disobedience, but I think we rationalize our unintentional disobedience. I’ve been intentionally disobedient – and it hasn’t been pretty. I’ve also said my disobedience was unintentional, but when I ask myself why it was unintentional, it’s simply because I wasn’t paying attention! And if I’m supposed to be paying attention – particularly to my relationship with God and what obedience to him looks like in a specific situation – and I don’t, I’m already in disobedience. Any additional disobedience resulting from me not listening isn’t actually unintentional. It’s un-attentional. I’m simply not paying attention.
How can you be more obedient in your attention?
I don’t eat Girl Scout cookies in bed anymore. I still cringe when I hear the crackle of the packages, but as I recently opened a package of cookies, I thanked God for the reminder. He reminded me to be intentional (and attentional) in my obedience to him.
And he wanted me to challenge you toward intentional (and attentional) obedience, too.
Blessed are those who hear the teaching of God and obey it. (Luke 11:28)