Go to your room and think about what you’ve done!

Can someone actually make you think? I remember when I’d instruct one daughter to apologize to the other, knowing her heart might not be in it but hoping a seed of forgiveness would be planted and later grow. It’s really a heart versus head issue. We can’t make someone feel a certain way or think about something, but we can set up circumstances that foster the likelihood of thoughts and feelings. We can help people pause.

My husband and I tried this after we’d been married several years. We realized we’d begin discussing something and stop listening well, making assumptions and judgments, and before we knew it, our “discussion” wasn’t productive at all! We needed a pause button. I ran across a small ceramic token at a gift shop. It said “Good for 10 minutes of quiet.” Just what we needed! Our rule was that each of us could use the token one time per week, and we would both walk away from the conversation for 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes, we had to reconnect and either continue or agree that we’d set the issue aside.

We soon learned we didn’t need the token. All we needed was the opportunity to pause. When we knew we could take a 10 minute timeout at any time, we seemed to work harder at not letting discussions escalate. We worked through the issues as they arose instead of lashing out at each other.

Where do you most need a pause button in your life?

Create your own token! It can be a small stone or a decorated piece of paper. Keep it in the same location, so you know where it is. Determine a few guidelines for using it. If you’re using it within a relationship, be sure to consider everyone involved. The token isn’t intended to help you manipulate a situation. It’s all about developing healthy habits, so you – and others – can grow in your responses.

I think about your orders and study your ways. I enjoy obeying your demands, and I will not forget your word. Psalm 119:15-16