I started actively searching for God in my early twenties. I had a lot of information about God from my childhood, but I didn’t have a relationship with him. I don’t ever remember considering a close relationship or thinking one was possible. Looking back, I see moments God was drawing me close to him, allowing me glimpses of the possible. God is God, and God is good, even when we don’t acknowledge him.

During the process of trying to figure out who I am and why I’m on this earth, God came up in conversation and showed up all over the place. I didn’t always acknowledge it was him. In fact, I was a bit antagonistic and skeptical. I wanted proof that he existed and was everything that people said he was before I would step into this faith thing. I was not about to look foolish.

In reality, it didn’t matter how foolish I looked. It mattered how foolish I was being, and relying on my own understanding was—and still is—foolish. I was stubborn, believing I could sort through all the details of what people for centuries before me had sorted and ultimately come up with the right answer. I didn’t have to rely on anyone else. I was smart.

At least I was smart about one thing: I sought absolute truth. When I began, I didn’t know if it actually existed, but I was willing to set aside a lot of assumptions and seek. That step of openly seeking was just the crack in my tough intellectual exterior that was needed for God to show up and for me to be open enough to consider who he is.

Even when I began to believe God exists, I didn’t necessarily believe he is who everyone says he is, and you know what? He’s not! He’s not who everyone says he is; God is who HE says he is! But I hadn’t yet accepted him for who he is. I wanted him to prove himself to me.

As I look back on the process, I recognize how self-centered I was. Who was I to ask God to prove himself? Why does God ever have to prove himself? Why do we expect him to justify who he is? He just is. Period.

I don’t have to prove myself a mom. I am a mom. Period. Even if my daughters would disclaim me, I would be a mom. Even if something happened to them, I would be a mom. No one can take away my motherhood from me. If someone said I’m not a mom because they’ve never seen me with my daughters, so they have no proof I am who I say I am, I am still a mom. No proof required. It is who I am.

God is God. No proof required. No matter what you believe, God is God. No matter what you say, God is God. No matter what I deny, God is God. Proof or no proof, God is God.

I don’t just think God is God. I don’t just believe God is God. I know God is God.

And I know God personally. I’m glad I sought him. I’m glad he passionately pursued me—and still is.