Several generations ago, the standard for most children was one to “be seen but not heard.” Children were small people living in an adult world. In a sense, they were little adults, expected to carry a burden of responsibilities. Adult responsibilities that were hopefully adjusted to the children’s abilities. Families were adult-centered.
Recent generations have experienced something very different – families where the adults adjust to a child’s world. Parents carry the burden of responsibilities but also adjust as if they’re big people living in a child’s world. Family schedules are adjusted because of children’s involvement in activities. Children are given choices of what they’ll eat and wear and what they want to do. Families are child-centered.
Of course, I’m generalizing. There’s a balance between the two extremes, and hopefully, many of us are trying to balance the two, but at this point in our culture, we’re heavy on the child-centered side, and it’s causing problems. I’ve seen many families let their young children have excessive freedom, excusing much behavior with “kids will be kids.” Those same kids often reach the teen years and continue along the same trajectory of exploring excessive freedom…at which point, the parents wonder what on earth is going on, where are their sweet children, and try to slam the brakes to a screeching halt. But it’s difficult to shift momentum and perspective at that point.
If someone’s been taught – whether in words or by everyday life – they have limitless boundaries and choices, they’re going to generally be more me-centered than other-centered.
There’s a lot of me-centeredness in all of us. It takes effort to shift that focus onto others.
Did you grow up in a more adult-centered or child-centered family?
If you’re raising a family, which is your family? What do you see in most families around you?
In what areas of your life to find yourself most selfish?
Keep in mind that sometimes we do some very good things…but for selfish reasons. The reason behind something always impacts the result, even when we don’t notice the effects.
Be accountable. Choose someone trustworthy in your life and share the area of selfishness you identified. Ask her to ask you about it from time to time and encourage you to replace the selfishness with a practical, everyday focus on others.
When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves. Philippians 2:3
Enjoyed this. It’s so true!
Thanks!
I think you’ve just nicked the tip of the iceberg. I grew up in a “children are second-class citizens” family. Boy, was I in for a shock when I first married my ex-husband and gained 2 stepchildren. They were used to a child-centered home. I simply didn’t know what to do. They seemed horribly spoiled to me and I was immature enough to resent all the attention they received. With God’s help, we blended, but were always a little off-kilter. I hope you will be writing more on this subject, Susan.
Thanks for jumping in and expressing a snapshot of reality, Diane! I’m not sure how far I plan to dig, but it’s always great to get encouragement and begin to explore where God wants me to focus next! 🙂
Gasp! I am not queen of the world?!? LOL!
As an employer who deals with teenagers I see a lot of young people who have been so spoiled they have no idea of how to work or be responsible for themselves or their behavior. It is sad, really. I also know there are amazing young people who go above and beyond what is expected of them. I often wonder if it is personality or parenting or the combination that makes the sway one way or the other. Parenting is the hardest job on the planet.
I am most selfish with my time. I like my time at home with my family and I don’t readily give that up.
Must be time for a cup of tea as I am having trouble getting my thoughts from my brain out my fingers to the keyboard. : ( Thank you for this thought provoking post today, Susan.