It’s not easy. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had the “what if” conversations. You know the ones where someone raises the fill-in-the-blank sentence connection a relationship with an issue. “What if [INSERT NAME OR RELATIONSHIP] told you [INSERT ISSUE]?” Or, “What if [INSERT ISSUE] happened to [INSERT NAME OR RELATIONSHIP]?” The issue is nearly always one we’ve just revealed a very strong opinion about, or perhaps it’s a hot topic in the news. The name or relationship is nearly always identified as someone near and dear to us. Basically, we take someone we love with something we loathe and force them together in the tightest quarters possible to force an answer.
And that answer is rarely “right,” at least, not according the person looking for additional ammunition to attack us. I’ve found it’s important to try to identify someone’s motive. If someone wants to have a conversation with me and is willing to listen and be respectful, I’ll continue. If someone is attacking me, relentlessly trying to make a point, no matter who he or she sacrifices along the way, it’s not really worth the effort. It won’t turn out well. I know…not just because I’ve been on the receiving end of such aggressive confrontation, but, with regret and sorrow, I’ll admit I’ve been on the dishing-it-out side, too. 
Ouch. That admission hurts.
People matter. When we turn people into an issue or into “evidence” to prove our point, or even when we use people as the exception so we can easily separate them from the issue, we make the issue matter more than people. Issues are important. We can’t ignore them. But they’re important because people are involved, responsible, or impacted. Issues are about people. People aren’t about issues.
You can separate the two. You can stand firm on an issue that you oppose, yet not oppose a person that disagrees with that issue.
Hold on. I hear it coming. Before you bring up the whole, “But how can you support someone without supporting the issue they represent?” How? By choosing to do so. I could find an issue that separates me from just about anyone…perhaps everyone in my life if I looked hard enough. After all, we’re different. No matter how many similarities you have with someone, you can find differences, because you’re not the same person. Do you abandon everyone in your life, because loving someone or supporting someone means you support everything about him or her? Bad habits, quirky opinions, and the whole shebang? Do you just love and support people who are like you?
Or, maybe you want to argue that not all issues are equal, that you can let a lot of stuff go, but there are “those” issues that you refuse to give an inch. No one is going to tell you any different. You will stand on them until you die. Guess what? That’s okay. That’s your choice. Me? I’m determined to stand firm on biblical truths. That’s the hill worth dying on. But…that’s doesn’t mean I’m going to fight to the death with every confrontation. That’s not even possible. I can fight without dying. I can fight without harming people. I can fight and still respect others and maintain relationships. In fact, my goal is for those relationships to come through those skirmishes stronger than ever.
Not every relationship needs to center on an issue. Not every issue needs to be imposed upon a relationship. In a world that looks for poster children for each issue, so everyone can rally on one side or the other, let’s choose a different path. Think about the issue. Be informed. Sort through your own baggage. And get to know people. Listen. Share. Dialogue. Love. Discuss. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to aggravate either.
“Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:36-39)