Someone asked if I miss a couple ex-relatives. Please don’t think I’m insensitive in my use of the term ex, coupled with relative. Once related, always related, right? I absolutely agree families weather a lot, and even if we don’t have a close relationship with someone, we still share that bond of family. The only reason I use the term is because they distanced themselves by choice. I don’t hold it against them. It’s what they chose, and I’ve healed from it. Okay, so I’m still healing from it. But, for now, I have no contact or interaction with them.
Anyway, when I heard the question, I paused. Because a quick yes or no felt thoughtless and insensitive. Also, a quick yes or no didn’t accurately reflect my answer, because it’s not that simple.
I grieve the relationship we had. I grieve what was. I don’t miss them in my present, because I am content where I am. It wouldn’t be healthy for me to allow their choices to continue to impact my now. Even that answer might seem simplistic, but it’s the best I can do for now.
Why do you need to know? It’s not as much about this specific situation as a reminder that simple answers aren’t always as simple as we think. And even a slightly more complex answer might not capture the process leading to it. I would answer the same question slightly differently over time, perhaps with a different rationale behind it. It’s important to allow people space to answer well, process well, and even change well over time.
Sometimes a simple question and answer are truly simple. Other times, there is much more feeding into them. Give yourself and others the space and time to process authentically and share appropriately.
Pure Purpose 