Self-reflection is an interesting practice, and perhaps our perspective of it adds to its intricacies. I’ve found we define it in various ways. At its core, it’s intended to spur us to reality-check ourselves. Instead of pushing forward without intention, we pause regularly, even as we progress, in order to ask, “What are my motives? How might others perceive my actions or words? Do my goals, values, and behavior sync? How can I improve my attitude, thoughts, and emotions?” The questions are endless, and the point is not to take such a deep dive that we reside in our own cave. But without self-reflection, we push forward and become a train that stops for no one. Of course, most of us are somewhere in between. But every single one of us can improve in our self-reflection.

I think the term we use can misguide ourselves and others. Self-reflection can’t happen with no checks and balances. It’s not just about self but involves reflection. And that reflection isn’t limited to what we see in the mirror. It includes what others experience when we face them. We don’t let others determine who we need to be, but we consider others’ perspectives because they provide a reality check to the above questions and more. If we’re only measuring ourselves against ourselves, we’ll get a similar measurement every time. We see what we want to see, whether more optimistically or pessimistically than reality. Others don’t establish a baseline for us, because they have their own perspectives, too, but if we’re not willing to look at ourselves (and others) from varying vantage points, we only see what’s within our line of sight. We can look decent in a mirror, but there’s only so much we can see in the limited dimensions.

We need a deeper reality check. That’s where our beliefs come in. They are the standards driving our goals, attitudes, coping strategies, etc. Self-talk can encourage us, but it can also drive us off a cliff. We need something else to pull us back on the road. We need others to help us see what we can’t at times. We’ve all had experiences with people who believe they are exceptional at self-reflection, and maybe they were at some point, but it’s not an area we can press cruise-control. Intentional engagement is essential. There are also people who justify their self-reflection because they like what they see. That’s not healthy self-reflection either. We shouldn’t tear ourselves down or puff ourselves up. We need to open our eyes and our minds, because there’s a lot to learn. As we learn, we find affirmation and challenges. We need both in order to grow.

We help each other when we authentically self-reflect and grow. We don’t do life in isolation. Why not access the help we have around us? All the answers aren’t in the mirror or in our minds.