“I don’t want to, but…”

Surely you’ve finished this statement. Perhaps it’s an obligation, responsibility, or relationship you can’t ignore. You’d rather do something else, but you know there’s a cost in not going through with it. You’re not willing to pay the price. So, you choose to do it.

So…it’s not really a have-to after all. It’s a want-to. Sure, it might not be at the top on your list of things to do, but aren’t you putting it on the top of your list by doing it?

Maybe you think I’m making a distinction that doesn’t need to be made. Isn’t it just the words we choose to use? Well, perhaps, but with words come weight of significance. We assign worth with our words. If we’re consistently using the have-to words, we tend to focus more on a lack of choice or control, and it’s time to admit responsibility. We’re adults. We make choices. And it’s amazing how a choice of words can change our perspectives.

Stating the want-to makes me more intentional about the decisions I’m making and the intentionality of weighing the pros and cons of the decision. I might really want to be spend a relaxing evening in my pajamas at home, but I also know that a friend would appreciate my appearance at a celebration on her behalf. I might want to avoid conflict in a gathering of people that often results in tension, at the very least, yet I know how important it is to continue to strengthen the relationships even through the struggles.

Consider what you feel you have to do.

Work? Well, you would certainly put yourself in a predicament if you didn’t work and get a paycheck, but people certainly do it. You must not want to live the lifestyle it would require.
Marriage? Sure, you might get rid of a few problems if you walk out of your marriage, but all your problems won’t go away. You’ll exchange one set of challenges for another.
Serve? Yes, even with serving, we can feel the have-to. After all, if we don’t, who will? And it’s not that we really don’t want to do it. Perhaps it’s just the timing or someone’s assumption we’ll get it done.

Whatever it is, we feel it’s more of a have-to than a want-to. But you don’t have to do it. If you do it, you choose to do it.

We’re rarely in a situation in which we’re forced to do something. We have a lot of choices. In fact, we’re so inundated with choices, we can get overwhelmed with them, want more, or take them for granted. Practice recognizing and making good choices, including acknowledging you have a choice between have-to and want-to.

You don’t have to, but I hope you want to.