To The Other Woman

photo-1434030216411-0b793f4b4173I don’t blame you.

I also don’t believe you are without fault.

But I want you to know I am sure this has been hard for you, too.

You only heard one perspective; my husband’s viewpoint, filtered by what he most wanted you to hear, is all you know.

It’s not the complete picture.

I don’t like that you are most frequently referred to as “the other woman.” It dehumanizes and distances you. I know your name. I know your face. I don’t know you personally, just as you don’t know me. But just as I don’t want you to make assumptions about me, I have tried not to make assumptions about you.

However, for you or anyone else in your position in the future, please keep in mind:

  • A family is worth fighting for. Whether it’s your family or not, value it enough to put it ahead of your own wishes and comfort.
  • Never assume a relationship is beyond repair, unless you also assume every relationship you have or will have will also be irreparable at some point.
  • Refuse to encourage a deepening relationship. While it is true that someone who is looking for intimacy outside a marriage will find it somewhere else if not with you, you don’t need to be the one who makes it easy.
  • Demand honesty for yourself, for my husband, for me, and for our family. Vehemently search for truth even when it’s uncomfortable.
  • Respect yourself enough to not believe you are the only one who feels this way and has made him feel this way.
  • Respect me enough to seek the truth about me. The more you distance yourself from me and make me into who you want to assume I am, the more you dehumanize me and make your choices easier.
  • Respect my husband enough to want him to be healthy. Being happy in the short-term isn’t worth the cost when other areas of life are compartmentalized and set aside.
  • Respect my children – no matter how old they are. What you are told about how they will handle your relationship is probably not accurate. If my husband lost perspective in one area of life, it likely shifted the perspective accuracy of other areas of life.
  • Take a breath and step away. If you want to pursue him, there will be time later to do that. Give my family space to process and heal.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for your consideration and respect.

I have forgiven you.


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