Without You

photo-1502875431551-98cf2b5776bdI will never be the same without you.

That is certainly true.

But while I would have liked a chance to fight for my marriage and work to stay together – or at least part with some semblance of respect and connection – I choose to see the ways I have been able to grow through the turmoil. I will never be the same without the man I wanted to share my life with, and in some ways, I will miss out. But in many ways, I can be stronger. I can grow as I heal. I can find beauty and gratitude in my life not just in spite of what has happened but because it has happened. Experiencing gratitude doesn’t mean I would choose what happened in my marriage, but it means I can resolutely accept the purpose of it. It is a process.

I will never be the same, but that doesn’t mean I am less because of it. There is no amount of myself that anyone, including my ex, can strip and steal from me. Not because I am strong but because God is. He is strong and compassionate and just. He makes me whole – perhaps more whole than I ever imagined I could become.

More than I will never be the same without you, I will never be the same with God. He makes me whole. He has fractured me into wholeness.

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