Do we really know what we want from friendships? What are our expectations? What unites us? A friend and I revisited something that happened a half dozen years ago. A popular author invited people to join a launch team for her new release. It’s something that often happens, and for well-known authors, the team formed is usually significantly less than the total applicants. In this case, the people who didn’t get on the team created their own community online, and they were perhaps more engaged as a group than the core group—or at least some of them. They were united by their feelings of being left out (as well as other common interests).
I’m sure the group served some positive purposes and invited supportive connections. However, reminiscing about how the group formed and continued reminded me of communities that can exist because of a common bond but not necessarily with the best intentions.
When we aren’t healthy, or when we don’t know what we need from friendships, we might not be able to notice what is available, or we might accept the wrong connections. We might handle our friendships irresponsibly. Instead of waiting for the friendship fit we most need, feeling as if we’re in a frustrating holding pattern, we would benefit from using that holding pattern time to get healthier. Because there is humble work to do. One of the best things we can do for healthy relationships is to always work toward the healthiest versions of ourselves.
Our culture says to go get what we want, but if we don’t have a healthy sense of what we actually need, we will arrive or grasp the wrong things.