Some things just make the other thing better, and that’s how I feel about many of my friends. I wouldn’t be the person I am without some fantastic friends in my life. As I walked alongside one of my very best friends one day, I was overwhelmed with the blessing of her in my life. I thought about several others, too, who just make me better.

Neither of us is perfect…or even close to it. We both have faults, and we’re fully aware of them. It’s not that we don’t care about them; it’s that we care deeply. We’re not going to get paralyzed by them; we’re going to help the other one walk despite the limps along the way. We don’t become a crutch for each other; we become temporary support.

We’re like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In my family, we disagree about the “proper” ratio of peanut butter and jelly on the perfect pb and j sandwich. The truth is…there’s no perfect pb and j sandwich. Each combination is a little different either because of the sandwich maker, the availability of ingredients, or the specific situation in which it’s made. No two sandwiches are going to be exactly the same, but it’s okay. Each one can still taste scrumptious.

But here are some essentials that make pb and j sandwiches (and friendships) work.

• Just the peanut butter isn’t enough. Just the jelly isn’t enough. Both are necessary.
• Once the two are combined, you can’t completely separate them. They hold onto each other.
• Sometimes the stickiness oozes out and is annoying, yet the source of the stickiness is also the source of sweetness.
• The very things that hold the peanut butter and jelly together, the bread, can ruin the whole sandwich when it’s stale, moldy, crumbly, and so on.

My friends make me better. I’m not as good on my own. Friendships aren’t always easy. When we walk alongside each other through the messes of life, we get…messy. But as we get through the mess together, we end up rubbing off on each other in indelible ways.

Not all friendships are delicious combinations. Some are toxic. And to be honest, we sometimes even look for friendships with some toxic ingredients. It doesn’t make sense; if someone asked us what we wanted in friendships, we wouldn’t list some of the qualities we actually end up choosing. We choose unwisely at times. We want to approval more than accountability, or we want what looks and feels good more than we want was actually is good, or we want convenience and comfort over what will challenge and grow us.

Look at the patterns of friendships in your life. What issues have you had to deal with repeatedly? Perhaps God is trying to teach you a lesson, and you refuse to learn it. Look at the weaving of friendships throughout your life and especially where you are right now. In what ways have you gotten comfortable and even perhaps stale? If you’re not growing, it’s not because God doesn’t want you to grow. Listen to his prompts to move on.

And most important, what is holding your friendships together? If it’s God’s provision, he’ll keep it as fresh as he wants it to be as long as he wants it to be, but if your friendship isn’t held together by God’s provision, it’s likely time to make a new sandwich.